Jacqueline is getting ready for the holidays and has the whole family over including loud mouth and professional weave pulling daughter Ashley, who is now berating her mother for meddling into other bitches business (Gorga/Giudice feud). Yeeeaaaah, because Ashley always keeps out of drama! Plus why is she dressed like a Halloween pumpkin? I thought these are Christmas decorations they are making, not Halloween costumes.
God Mother Caroline is also getting ready for the Chrismasseses (misspelled on purpose!) and little Caroline (Lauren) is on ‘bitch mode’ because she now feels left out of her brothers click. More on that bitchiness later.
There is a creepy ass Christmas tree that looks like ‘someone shot the Grinch’ I didn’t know Joker Face Staub died. But maybe it’s just her fifteen minutes of famewhoring that are dead.
Caroline finds out that ‘creepy’ Santa’s face got eaten by a baby Chupacabra and Albie is happy about that because now he can use mutilated Santa to send a message to the next idiot they’re gonna clip.
Melissa is having some music producers over to convince them she is the next Beyonce. Melissa starts to sing a song ‘Ala American Idol’ to impress the producers her ‘wretched’ ass gets a thumbs up from the producers (that Psycho Little Joey just wrote a check to). But she is still a day late and a dollar short so her ass better become a wedding singer or some shit. Maybe Godfather Al can book her at the Brownstoner for all the weddings, quinceaneras and Bar Mitzvah’s that go on there.
The ‘You’re an asshole’ music starts playing when the producers asks Melissa to put in fifteen hours a day and little Psycho Joe is not too happy about that shit because he is supportive of her delusional music aspirations, but still wants her to be barefoot and pregnant while holding a microphone. So Psycho Joe decides to make his basement /wine room into Melissa’s studio so he can lock her up. This way Melissa can hold a baby in one hand a microphone in the other and still breast-feed Psycho Joey while he fights baby Gorga for a nipple.
Teresa is wearing her Louboutin $1,000.00 dollars hooker boots to seduce Barney Devito because they are happy that they don’t hate each other and their ass is sitting on the floor since now their house has no furniture because of that little Grinch that stole it. And so they eat their 30 cent Top Ramen and ketchup on the floor. Then, they fart.
Teresa says that this has been a fucked up year. You know with the bankruptcy and all the lawsuits and all. So, this is the reason she goes out and buys thousand dollar boots! She doesn’t even buy furniture to replace the shitty furniture that’s missing! Teresa rather sit on the floor with her nice thousand dollar boots than have a table to fuck on.
On this episode Teresa addresses the fraud lawsuit her husband Barney Devito Giudice got slammed with. His ex-partner accuses him of forging his signature on some documents and Barney Devito believes it was some Nacho Midget dressed like Barney Devito that can write like Barney Devito that did it. Teresa believes and supports her husband’s explanation.
Next Kathy and her husband Richie attempt to purchase a funeral parlor restaurant and come across some huge venue that’s way out of their prize range. They are introduced to the person selling the restaurant who takes them on a tour. Richie admits that he doesn’t have the money to buy this huge restaurant and the owner of the restaurant gets pissed off because these low renters are wasting his time so he tells them that if they find someone to lend them money to call him back and he says it all attitudy too!
So Kathy and Richie crawl their sorry asses over to the Brownstoner to asks the God Father for some money to invest in their new venture and the God Father’s answer was: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! No really it was, I’m not making it up this time.
Did ya all notice how pissed off Kathy was when big Al laughs? And she rolls her eyes. Then, the God Father straight up tells them they don’t know what the hell they are getting into and he is not lending them money for some stupid bullshit restaurant that would end up going bankrupt anyways, and if he not stupid enough to give Christopher money for a Putana-carwash (that never happened, thank God!) then he is not stupid enough to give them money for a restaurant because just like he didn’t want to end up washing cars topples at Christopher’s car wash he doesn’t want to end up washing dishes at these fucktards future failed restaurant.Then, he tells them the hounds are getting released in ten seconds and to get the fuck off his property and quit wasting his time. Damn no love for them. That sucks!
Psycho Joe Gorga is busy building away his wife’s tacky ‘gold’ studio so she can make ‘golden records’ while she makes Psycho Joe Lasagna. Joe says he will put his wife in a sound booth with mirrors so he can keep an eye on her, and make sure she is not getting out of line.
Lauren and Jacqueline show up to visit the Manzo brothers. Lauren says she hopes her brothers don’t have any bitches over tonight. BECAREFUL GREG! Christopher and Albie are hanging out at their new swanky pad and of course their house bitch Greg is there also. Greg has now been promoted to little sister because Lauren was demoted to bitchy bitch. Lauren is pissed off about getting replaced by Greg and decides she wants to get into a cat fight with him over her brothers. Then, she starts crying and Jacqueline hugs her, but her brothers and new little sister Greg roll up their eyes at Lauren for being so ridiculous. Albie says he is glad to have Greg as a friend because at least he can’t date Lauren. But he can date him BUA HA HA HA!!!! If Albie came out of the closet, in that way I would love him forever. But I doubt it, I think I’m getting my hopes up.
Because Lauren has a little bitch crying fit over being replaced by Greg, Albie decides to give her an early Christmas present and hands her a key to the apartment so she can come over anytime. Greg is not happy, what if she opens the door when they are all having ‘naked ham throwing night?.’ HUH?
Jacqueline visits Kim Granny-Tell because that bitch has a lot of gossip and Kim shows off her new chandelier that she will use to hang from after she does her special Granny Panties Pole Special. However, when Kim tells Jacqueline about the heap of gossip she has on Teresa Jacqueline yells at her to ‘shut the fuck up! BITCH!’
We also find out (according to Kim) that she had a brain tumor and that’s why she’s so crazy. I knew that bitch had a hole in her head!
Kim thinks that Teresa doesn’t like her and that’s why she is always going after her, but Jacqueline explains it’s because her saggy ass is an easy target for clowning, specially when she is trying to polish the pole with her granny panties. TRUE!
At the Manzo boys apartment Lauren can’t find a marker to put her brother’s names on the Christmas stockings so she will use red crushed pepper and Caroline says it’s a ‘very Guido Christmas’.
The green feather Christmas tree is freaking Albie out, and I don’t blame him that shit looks like a dead bird that was dipped in a pool of green Kool Aid and became road kill. Horrible!
Greg tries to be nice and suggest that they all go somewhere including Lauren. Like a little bitch Lauren snaps at Greg I DON’T WANT YOUR PITY, DON’T INCLUDE ME IN YOUR SHIT BITCH! Then she bitches over something stupid about how the other night her brothers made dinner with Greg and she wasn’t even invited, although Lauren lives almost an hour away and calling her every time they boil water to make Cup Of Noodles would be stupid just so that she can drive for one hour. The God Mother tells Lauren she’s been an ‘unreasonable’ asshole and should go hang out with Ashley and ‘get a hobby’ practicing how to become a future Real House Skank instead of worrying over what the heck her brothers are doing all day.
Jacqueline prepares for her party and is worried the tables will fight back because she knows that Psycho Joe also likes to bang on tables and let’s not forget Teresa and her table flipping skills. Jacqueline’s parents want to ad more alcohol to the drinks that will be served that night so that hopefully another brawl will break out.
This episode was filmed at the time Teresa and Barney Devito had to go to court for Barney Devito’s fraud charges. And while in the car when Teresa is berating Barney Devito to ‘keep it classy’, he tells her to shut up like three times. But later she keeps it classy when she goes and tells this woman Monica Chacon (who happens to be her husbands ex-partners lawyer’s wife) to quit talking shit about her or some table flipping is gonna go down. Teresa says she did it to ‘silence the lamb’. The fuck?
Teresa and Barney Devito show up and Teresa is clad in her best cave-woman fur. Melissa and Psycho Joe arrive and Melissa is also wearing her cave-woman Jr. fur coat.
Why did Bravo have to make me throw up a little bit in my mouth? Notice how when Psycho Joe showed up they cut to Teresa who tells him he looks thin or some shit and she feels his chest? Then they cut to Barney Devito who is looking pissed and jelaous that Teresa is complementing her brother? Then Lauren gives her 2-cents on Melissa and basically just says that Melissa is a younger cuter version of Teresa and that the 2 bitches are fighting over Psycho Joe’s love! WHAT!? WHY!? WHY BRAVO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUT THESE UNDERTONES OF INCESTS IN THIS BULLSHIT WHY!! I WAS FINE AND THEN YOU HAVE TO PUT THAT SHIT IN MY HEAD AND I HAVE A SICK HEAD TOO! Another blogger made the remark that Psycho Joe and Teresa are Banjo Players together. EEEEWWWW!!!!! I sure in fuck hope they are NOT!!! Click here to read that post. I hope Lauren never ever ever says any shit like that again. I would never compete for my brothers love with his wife. Please! Last time I saw that punk I was glad he was going home with his wife. No competing there.
While the little shindig is going on at Jacqueline’s everyone has this air of fake forced smiles and you can tell they are all uncomfortable too! The air is very uptight and quiet specially right after Barney Devito and Teresa show up and everyone is looking at Teresa and Barney Devito like they farted and are embarrassed for them because that’s the day Teresa confronted Monica Chacon in the court hallway and in all her cave-woman glory made an ass of herself by damn near getting into a fist fight with the other woman . When Barney is explaining Teresa’s latest stunt of crazy to the other men laugh nervously.
Everyone continues pretending they all love each other and that they are all going to have a lot of fun. Melissa and Psycho Joe get introduced to the Manzo’s and Greg. Psycho Joe immediately eyeballs Greg because he is a ‘tall guy!’. As the night progresses and everyone gets drunker Psycho Joe gets dared on a dare to flap his crusty ‘balls’ inside Jacqueline’s hoochie casino hooker outfit.
The very daring Psycho Joe jumps to the chance of wearing Jacqueline’s outfit to impress and seduce sexy tall Greg and Greg says that this ‘has become a regular Friday night ‘ you know with the ‘drag queen’ Psycho Joe coming out of the closet an all. Teresa is getting jealous and sees that Melissa and Psycho Joe may have a chance at a threesome with tall sexy gay Greg so she tries to put the moves on him and tries to seduce him to a threesome with her husband Barney Devito who is also eyeballing Greg. But fails. Melissa announces she will be throwing a party and everyone is invited including Greg because her and Psycho Joe like him. Melissa and Psycho Joe need to both come out of the closet already specially Psycho Joe, that boy’s been dressing like a woman ever since the season started and every time there is an opportunity to dress like a bitch he jumps on it with his high heels on. What a bunch of fun fucktards they are!
Filed under: Ashley Holmes, chris manzo, chrisptopher manzo, gossip, jacqueline laurita, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Joker Face, Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of New Jersey, TERESA GIUDICE, The Brownstone, Barney Devito, CAROLINE MANZO, gossip, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Melissa Gorga, recaps, TERESA GIUDICE, The Brownstone, the real housewives of new jersey
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why are you trying to mislead good people into visiting nasty places…shame on you