With each passing episode I can tell that Barney Devito looks worried as fuck that they him and Teresa are going to have to sell the marble mansion and move into one of the ‘suites’ above the pizza parlor because of their broke ass financial situation. Teresa continues to be in denial that their ass is broke .
We start this episode with the Guidice’s having their monopoly family night. This scene makes it look like Teresa and Barney Devito plus their children are just a normal happy family that pay their bills on time.
Barney Devito points out to a rip on the monopoly board and Gia says that it’s supposed to be like that. Barney Devito says that when he was a kid they didn’t make rips on the monopoly boards. Gia tells her dad, that’s because he is an old fart and the boards he played with as a kid were made when dinosaurs ruled the world. Then Barney Devito threatens Gia with something stupid my dad would say. And tells her in his most New Joisey though guy accent: ‘I’m gonna have Audrina beat you up!’ And he means it too! Having the girls beat each other up must be easier than to have to spank the kids yourself. That way he has more time to go chase skirts, while Teresa shops and the kids are home beating each other up. That works!
Teresa brings up that their 10 year anniversary is coming up . She tells Barney Devito that she deserves a big present because she farted out 4 daughters . Teresa asks her daughter Gabriela what she thinks dad should get mom for her anniversary. Little Gabriela must be the rebel of the house because she mentions flowers and chocolates. Teresa says FUCK THAT I WANT DIAMONDS! Gabriela insist on flowers and chocolate and Barney Devito agrees.
Gabriela doesn’t look like any of the other girls. I think when Teresa gave birth to her she was switched by the nurse on accident. And some hippie chick somewhere out in the outskirts, country part of New Jersey, (Because I know they have it) is dealing with a little Diva that’s demanding her own pair of high heel leopard print size 2 children’s stilettos.
Also remember how she didn’t want to fight during the karate class but wanted to go eat instead. That’s the residual munchies from when her real mom was chowing on indica brownies. Yep, that’s not their kid.
Teresa keeps demanding her anniversary diamonds she says that after being married to Barney Devito for 10 years and farting out 4 children he needs to ‘Wow’ her and she don’t give a fuck if he is broke . Barney Devito better go out and get that dirty mob money, to buy Teresa those diamonds. Or find a truck that dropped some ‘on accident’, or sell his ass or do whatever the fuck he’s gotta do to ‘Wow ‘ her.
Barney Devito is showing his nervousness and knows he ain’t got the money for all that expensive shit so he points to the monopoly board and tells Teresa he will give her a Luxury tax ring and she has to pay him 100 dollars. As illustrated in the monopoly board. Teresa is getting impatient and states that if he don’t ad some zeros to that Luxury tax ring and pay for it he ain’t getting none for a month. Said like a true diamond whore. But at least she is not a coke whore.
Joker Face is planning a sweet 16 for daughter Christine. Christine says she would like to donate the cover charge fee she is going to charge at the door of her sweet 16 party to charity. I never heard of a birthday party where there is a cover charge at the door! What a good skeam! Joker Face says that since supposedly she gave birthto Christine she gets to take credit for Christine coming up with the charity idea and so Joker Face says she will make the sweet 16 party about herself and her 7 carat engagement drama causing ring .
Joker Face also says that she never had a birthday party ever in her life ever. Just like she never got arrested for pistol whipping and kidnapping charges. Yeap, she is so honest! She states the first time she ever had a birthday party was for her annual 47th birthday . But she never had a birthday party for her 47th birthday ever until she turn 47 the 47th time. So this is another reason why she is also hijacking Christine’s spotlight on Christine’s birthday and make it about herself.
By the way Joker Face has a right to claim credit for the charity sweet 16 event. Because it was all her idea . Well sort of, Christine came up with the original idea to give the money she ‘earned’ in the party to charity but Joker Face perfected the idea by telling Christine she will have to donate all the proceeds to the charity of Joker Face’s Embalming Fluid Botox Fund. Notice how they don’t mention which charity they donate the money to.
I am surprised Joker Face even invited her daughter Christine to her own birthday party. Well maybe it had to do with the fact that daddy dollars, was showing up and he foots the 10k per month. And the Bitch really gets 10k per month, although she tries to cry and say she gets nothing.
One of my readers SoCalmama talked to that fool Thomas Stauband he told her he does pay Joker Face 10k a month but the bitch blows her money. I am just repeating what he told her. But I believe it. I mean how the fuck she affords them horse’s ass dingle berry hair extensions and battery acid botox injections that keep her face mask a plastic ,shinny, orange, tone. I heard their expensive.That’s a lot of expensive shit.
Joker Face also confesses to the fact that when she was 16 she dind’t hang around a lot of other normal 16 year old girls. Since normally at the bordello’s and the stripper joints she worked at when she was 16 the oldest prostitution whores where about 17 and up and the men were all over 37. And this was back in the cowboy days when she was 16! Because back then they called the stripper joints a burlesque house which later evolved into a sleazier strip joint. Yeap she looked like she is lived long enough to dance burlesque back then in them cowboy days.
Jacqueline goes and cries to the God Mother again and asks her advice on Kim Grany-Tell who is a 4 faced bitch. The God Mother tells Jacquie that through Kim G, Joker Face has a window into her world. And she is right . The God Mother then asks Jacquie if Joker Face knows that Jacquie and Kim Granny-Tell are talking smack about her behind her back. Jacquie tells her ‘no’.
The God Mother says that she wouldn’t want to be Kim G, when the Joker finds out. No shit! The God Mother says Kim G is a 4 faced Bitch that needs to find out where she belongs.Then The God Mother makes a good point about how Joker Face is trying to fuck with Ashley’s rest of her life. By pressing charges , going to court and making a bing stink over Ashley yanking her gettho weave.
When Joker Face was 25. That’s older than Ashley who is only 19. She was prostitution whoring, coke dealing, kidnapping and pistol whipping kidnap victims. That’s worst than Ashley who only yanked on her weave and is not a coke dealing, prostitution whore. At least not yet anyhow.
Teresa and Barney Devito have Jacquie and her husband Chris over, to get hammered and do bong rips. While the boys go shoot pool and worry about money problems the women sit around talking about all the gifts and diamonds that Teresa wants for her anniversary .But Barney can’t afford. Teresa says that Barney better make it ‘BIG’. Teresa wants what she wants and she don’t care if Barney has to suck a hobo’s dick to get her a diamond . She want it and he better produce it . Somehow. Teresa don’t want to hear about the bankruptcy shit it doesn’t exist. What a determined woman!
Barney brings up to Chris, that it’s going to be his and Teresa’s 10 year anniversary and he is sweating it. He don’t know what to get her. Because ‘The money is not flowing like it used to…Now it’s just a’ trickling’. Homeboy is really worried you can tell. Barney stopped playing around about that shit like 3 episodes ago. Chris tells him to get Teresa a ‘Fugazi’. A fake ass ring that you would buy at the 50 cent candy machine at the 7-11. I guess when their thugs go out and collect that insurance money from local businesses they must be getting paid in nickels and dimes now.
Jacquie tells Teresa that Barney Devito should give Teresa , his ‘Crown Jewels!’ . Because that may be romantic. Teresa gets all confused and yells at Jacquie . ‘What do ya’ thank. I am Arrabic or samethang?
Then we go to Caroline’s house . Where we find out that The God Mother’s son Mr. Golden-child who fell from grace, for getting kicked out of lawyer school. Has now joined the police academy. In like a couple days too. Albie is crying because the Police Academy forced him to shave his head. In case of lice. The God Mother , The God Father, Lauren and Albie’s younger brother Chris The Court Jester, are laughing at him for being a shaved bald motherfucker. Well at least that covers up his receding hair line so you can’t tell he is bald. As a matter of fact I think he should shave the rest of his head off.
Albie is the one in ‘The Family’ that has to be the ‘Squeaky clean’ one of ‘The Family’. So since he couldn’t cut it as a lawyer he had to become a cop. Even thought he is saying this is only temporary it doesn’t make sense he just quickly joined The Police Academy and says he is going to quit as soon as this lawyer school thing comes through. Yea, well see. Unless it really,pertains to the type of law he will specialize in as a lawyer. And of course it looks like he will be some kind of a criminal lawyer.Which that type of family would need. DUH! Anyways, enough serious talk . Let me get back to clowning on these ho’s.
The God Mother was all pissy that her baby got screamed at Army Sargent style at the Police Academy. But whateves. She needs to cut that 9 feet umbilical cord to Albie. I don’t blame her thought. I have the same disease sometimes too. And it’s bullshit. The God Mother decides she going with Albie to the Police Academy next time the mean Sargeant yells at him and she is going to take him out. She will too!
The Court Jester asks whose ass he has to suck to be the ‘Mazor’ . Because his ass wants to maze people. The God Father tells The Court Jester to show support by shaving his head off. Christopher looks all worried because The God Father will make him do it.
Then we see a scene of Joker Face pimping out her surprisingly beautiful talented children with a bright but uncertain future. Joker Face is pushing her younger kidnapped victim Jillian into singing. Jillian cries while thinking about how cool it would be, if only they can escape the claws of Joker Face Dirty Deeds.
Teresa and Barney Devito are having their 10 year anniversary. Barney has no shirt on because he is so broke he lost that too. I am going to skip through these awful scenes with this neanderthal trying to find a fitting shirt. That’s pretty gross. Anyways Barney Devito has a driver take him and Teresa to the anniversary thingy. He takes her to the sleaze motel in a car, driven by a pervert who watches them kiss after Teresa had to beg Barney for a kiss like for 10 minutes.
Teresa gets to go on a chopper ride with Mr Devito and they get to go to New York. Were Barney Devito is totally lost , he don’t even know they’re flying over Central Park he calls it a ‘Nice park over there right in the middle of nowhere!’. Teresa’s dumb ass says she wants to do this ‘Like once a month’. Barney has that “OH OH!” Worried look on his face. He is probably thinking “NOOO!! What the fuck did I do!’ Now she wants to do this like once a month! how much is that gonna cost NOOOO!!!!
The pilot imforms Teresa and Barney that they have 6 minutes left and if they would like to see something else. Barney wants to see the Bahamas. But that’s 3 days away. And Teresa wants to go to ‘The Hamptons’ but Barney tells her they’re close. Teresa believes him!
Later on the romance continues as Barney Devito takes Teresa to dine her and … well it gets gross. He gives her a ring in a chocolate cake Teresa eats it and swallows it . Barney Devito yells at her for eating the ring that Barney bought at the fifty cent machine down at the liquor store. Now that they’re broke an’ all.
Teresa tells Barney Devito not to worry because she will get the ring out eventually. The poor butler that was assigned to wait on this couple of sick fucks had the look of horror in his face the whole time.
The poor man had to witness Teresa getting that ring out. But that wasn’t the grosses part of all . The grosses part of all was when the two neanderthals did it on the bed. The poor butler was so traumatized that at the end of his shift he ended up jumping to his death. But ended in the pool and somehow survived , so he is fine. But after what he witness he did go nuts and now he is at some mental ward after seeing that whole Teresa and Barney Devito sick display of caveman mating. It was pretty gross!!
Next some boring part with Albie trying to show Lauren and Chris all the fun stuff he learned at the Police Academy. Albie says he likes to be a good example to his younger siblings and prides himself on that. And right after he says that Lauren and The Court Jester end up ditching him after they send him on a bitch errand to get them water. Lauren says her and The Jester enjoy ganging up on Albie.
Joker Face gathers her daughters to a short meeting before Christine’s sweet sixteen. She switches her tone of voice to that creepy, baby manipulation voice the one she uses to manipulate her daugthers and she tells her daughters : Alright girls tonight is Christine’s sweet 16 so I am going to make this night about me. And since your dad is coming with his new wife who is only a couple of years younger than me (more like 27 years younger that her) I am going to wear the ring he gave me for our engagement. This way I can make this night all about me. And it will also piss off his new wife and cause drama for them. Yaa Meee!!! Then she clapps like a retard.
Did ya’ all see Joker Face’s daughters worried sour faces when she was telling them she was going to wear that ring? Joker Face also makes sure to mention this ring is 7 Carat.
Then is dress rehearsal. Christine is trying on many different dresses for her party and informs her mother she will be getting double d fake boobs pretty soon.Then it’s little Jillian’s turn to model her party dress. One of Joker Faces ‘friends’ Kathy is there offering Joker Face her friendly support. So she can be on TV famewhoring.
Kathy tells Jillian she should wear high heels to that mess, because Suri Cruise wears high heels and she is only 3 years old . Jillian reminds the 2 old bitches that she is only 11 and she don’t give a shit if the Virgin Mary was wearing high heels at the age of 3. She is not wearing them period. Hold up here . So you’re telling me this little girl has to parent herself! Well I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. In some cases when your mother is the town whore, porn skank and you’re 11 you have to parent yourself and put restrictions on yourself. Specially when you see your mom’s busy revolving door with different guys named John coming in and out of the house. Pun intended!
Finally is Christine’s sweet 16 and Joker Face has arranged for her daughter and their friends to have pedicures, manicures and a forbidden bordello room. I was waiting to see a pole and Joker Face swing from it. But Instead Joker Face decided she wanted to waive her 7 Carats ex-engagement ring her ex-husband gave her in her ex-husband and his new wife’ face hoping this will created some drama for them later on and because she gives herself the title of ‘Best mom in the world’ . You know when she is not starring in home made porn videos. That Bitch doesn’t know when to quit. I bet the new wife has had to deal with some nightmarish, psychotic, bullshit from this jealous ho’. If only the new wife would speak up.
Ashley got a ride from her momma Jacquie to pick up her court summons. For punishment Jacquie makes her walk all the way to the mail building by herself. Ashley doesn’t give a shit and thinks the whole thing is funny. Genius Ashley says she is going to counter-sue Joker Face. Jacquie asks her ‘For what?’ and Ashley’s intelligent answer is ‘I don’t know!’
Ashley also states that she is ‘Like exicted’ about all this shit. I bet if she was caught, on another reality TV show named COPS and her ass got pulled over while her and her boyfriend were high and stealing a car and saw the cops coming, she would say some ignorant shit like that. Jacquie wonders is Ashley says all this bullshit to be a smart ass, since Jacquie is such a mature example of mother hood. Well the turd doesn’t fall far from the asshole.
Filed under: CAROLINE MANZO, DANIELLE STAUB, dina manzo, jacqueline laurita, Joker Face, Kim Granatell, Real Housewives of New Jersey, TERESA GIUDICE, The Brownstone, CAROLINE MANZO, DANIELLE STAUB, dina manzo, gossip, Joker Face, TERESA GIUDICE, The Brownstone, the real housewives of new jersey
CarmenLucianaMarellaDonatellaAnnaGiancarloVanettiDiCarloMozzarella says:
Realfauxhousewives's Blog 
Recent Comments