Phaedra and her mom hang out at her kitchen and feed little baby Ayden. Phaedra tells her mother how she wishes Apollo would just get on board with the funeral home business so she can finally fulfill her fantasy of becoming the next Adams family Morticia and leave this legacy to little Ayden. Because that’s the only reason why Phaedra would want to leave her lucrative profession as a lawyer for strippers and porn stars and move to 0001 Cemetery Lane and start a funeral home. Apollo doesn’t want anything to do with this creepy funeral business. He may see people he knows there, since his current business involves scenes and situations from Too Fast Too Furious an’ all.
For some reason I thought Cynthia and her husband Bitter Peter were going to some counselors office while they wait at some place because the two of them are biting at each other (and not in a good way) but instead they are going to some dance lessons. Odd place to get into an awkward argument at. Cynthia is all pissed off at Peter for ditching her at that agency opening party she threw because Uncle Ben was too busy hanging out with some girl named Betty Crocker, from the pool party the night before. Bitter Peter tells Cynthia if she don’t like this marriage to get off the train at the next stop.
Cynthia and Bitter Peter keep bickering and airing out their dirty laundry. Suddenly some dance instructor lady comes out to teach them how to move their left feets without each other trying to lead or else they may try to continue killing each other.
Kim is bitching and complaining that baby Kroy pees on all her designer clothes (that Big Poppa more than likely bought as well as her tacky ass furniture) her daughter Kim Jr Brielle is mouthy and doesn’t want to help her put away the Versace china (that Big Poppa bought her).
However, little Arianna is helpful and willing to make her momma happy because she knows who to suck up to so she can get Kim’s golddiging money when Kim dies that Kim earned while on her back or all fours. That little girl is smart. Brielle is acting out because she wants to test her mom and Kroy.
I feel sorry for Kroy because now he has to play dad to a spoiled kid that he hasn’t known for that long and the worst part is he jumped in this dad business right when Brielle got the teenage horns that come out of their skull when they turn 14, after the horns come out the head starts spinning and they start talking back so you need special holy water to handle that shit. Poor Kroy God be with him.
Kandi and Lil Ronnie head to Tennessee to work on writing some country songs with her new country star friend Jo Dee Messina who moves almost all of Kandi’s songs words around to make it sound more country. But Kandi has a country voice when she sings. Kandi is all nervous that Jo Dee doesn’t like her songs, but it all ends up well when they compromise since that chick Jo Dee is pretty cool and laid back. Kandi rubs all of Jo Dee’s country music awards for good luck. Later on Lil Ronnie buys Kandi her first cowgirl hat and some boots. Kandi is now an official cowgirl.
NeNe hangs out with Marlo who is confronting NeNe about making the fugly double ass monster with Charles Grant. NeNe denies it and says she only had a drink with Charles (maybe they did bump fuglies but the two fools where so drunk they don’t remember what happened?)
NeNe says that Charles never ever saw her “Hello Kitty” and Marlo tells NeNe that the rumor of her and Charles better not come back true because Marlo is an ex-con who’s been arrested 7 times and did time for beating up a girl. NeNe’s eyes bulge out with fear and so instead of fighting with Marlo she decides to invite her to go shopping with her. Later on the two Amazonian hot messes go shopping together and they bond. I think NeNe is keeping this dangerous ex-con on her good side.
Sheree shows up at Kim’s rented mansion with yoga mats and healthy vegetable snacks. Kim whose idea of keeping her chunky ass slim is going to the doctors office to have the cottage cheese fat removed from her tights via vacuum suction system, is not happy with the idea of having to do planks on the floor on a mat because that takes effort (with an “A”) that her princess fat ass doesn’t want to have to put out because she has to conserve that energy to have Kroy plank her on the floor instead.
What Kim doesn’t understand and Sheree was trying to explain to her beast ass (the same way Phaedra tried to explain the law to Sheree previously) is that she is now married to an athlete with a tight ass who is around hot cheerleaders so homegirl needs to keep up.
Sheree also drools over Kroy while doing planks in an effort to encourage Kim to exercise. After like two planks because that’s all Kim can handle, Sheree tries to make that bitch some healthy veggie smoothies, but Kim bitches and moans that it tastes like crap even thought she ends up admitting it’s not that bad.
Kim also complains to Sheree about her difficult spoiled teenager Kim Jr whose head’s been spinning like the exorcist while she pukes green stuff on people and poor Kroy is in the middle of this mess trying to be dad. Oh well I am sure Brielle will come out of it and turn like Jacqueline’s Ashley so she’ll be fine! Kroy’s just gonna have to buy her a condo in California when she is 20 to get rid of her.
Later on that day Phaedra and her husband Apollo meet up with Willie Watkins to try and convince Apollo to be part of Phaedra’s fabulous funeral home that Phaedra will make the dead person the star of because she wants “to do funerals worth dying for,” and turn a funeral into fabulous “Events! Not just throw ‘em in the ground. Let’s throw ‘em in the ground with a bang!”. Apollo wanted to puke when he toured the embalming room (I kinda did too I have that same puke gross creeped out of dead people thing this guy has) Phaedra admits that she is into vampires. TOLD YA’ SHE IS GOTH!
Apollo thanks Willie Wonka I mean Watkins for the tour and after Willie and Phaedra share a few more creepy laughs together Apollo and Phaedra leave and Apollo says he will think about it. Meaning HELL TO THE NOOOO!!!
NeNe shows up at some chi-chi fund raiser Marlo invited her to, for some Captain Planet save the whales or something or the other thing. Anyway, NeNe meets another Viking Amazon like herself who is trying to peddle NeNe the earrings she designed inspired after the “Italian” (really NeNe?) Dalai Lama. Did y’all see “Miss Tall’s” mortified face when NeNe thought the “The spiritual leader of Tibet” was some Italian hippie dude or some shit? And Marlo didn’t catch on to that! HA HA HA HA!!
After Elizabeth Dewberry realized the intellectual “chameleon” genius she was dealing with (that wasn’t going to buy any of the super expensive, high class, yard sale items available that day) she jumped out of the scene hoping to NOT be filmed anymore. If you’re gonna be a “Chameleon” learn some basic culture about the type of stuff these rich ass donation peddler fucktards are babbling about. Watch History Channel or something. PAY ATTENTION PLEAZZZEEE!!!!
Later on , Apollo shows up at Phaedra’s office with a bouquet of flowers and tells her he wants to discuss going into the funeral business with her. Phaedra finds a way to convince Apollo to be sucked into Phaedra’s necrophiliac vampire fantasies by appointing him the hottie that will be comforting young hot girls in mourning. Phaedra’s a freak! HA HA HA!! She will pimp her husband out she don’t give a shit, I like that bitch. With that offer Apollo decides quickly that he will be going into the funeral business with her after all. But, he is not touching no dead bodies! Somehow Phaedra found a way to make him part of her goth adventures. But failed to make him agree to touch the dead people. Looks like Phaedra has more work to do!
Next Cynthia and Uncle Ben go to real counseling (as foreshadowed earlier when they went to the dance lessons.) Bitter Peter appears to be trying to be a good husband and hear when he is wrong. Except when Cynthia yells at him to write shit down because he has old timer’s disease and can’t remember shit with his “dinosaur” brain. In the end Bitter Peter tells Cynthia he loves her and they kiss and make up. Until next fight.